Today, I realized that I did not come with a full toolbox when it comes to solving problems and generally dealing with my kids. Not only did I not bring to parenthood the tools that I needed, but I also didn't get an instruction manual, either. I didn't get a caution or warning label and I certainly did not get a promise that satisfaction would be guaranteed. Today, I am unsatisfied with my parenting and my kids. To tell you the truth, some days I wonder why my children were sent to me to be their mother. I just don't have the tools I tell you. When I asked Todd this question today, he said that, " they were sent to me so that I could learn." To which I promptly replied, "Yea, like what?" Didn't think about that one before it flew out of my mouth. What more could I possibly NEED to LEARN? Um, like how to accumulate some more tools for that toolbox? Where can I go to find the answers I'm looking for to solve the issues I'm having with my kids? My Mom's answer to that question would be simply to pray and read the scriptures. Can it be that easy? Will the answers come? O ye of little faith?
I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed, O.K., maybe today a lot overwhelmed with the responsibilities of parenthood and how to deal with all of the challenges my kids are bringing to the table as of late. I need some more tools in my toolbox, like how to nail Cole's butt down to the chair so that he can get his homework done and put the screws to him about how important grades are and that his performance in school will be in direct correlation to the kind of adult he becomes. Does he care? Nope. Or all the times I try to hammer into Ethan's head the importance of being kind to his friends and cousins, including everyone and sharing and not saying mean things when he doesn't get his way. And that yes, reading is important, everyday to become a good reader. Maybe I'm not motivating them the right ways...Maybe I'm not....Maybe I need to.... Maybe, just maybe, I need to turn this over to the Lord. He'll know. He'll send me the tools I need, right?
4 comments:
You always say the things that are going through my head or life. I so wish I could live closer to you because I feel we could feed off each other. I love your toolbox analogy. I so think the same way about parenting as you do and wonder how my kids are going to turn out are they going to blame me for they way I tried to raise them. I like the advice your mom gave, that is a weakness in my life. I don't do the scripture reading as much or often as I should. Maybe that is the biggest tool that I'm missing in my toolbox too. I say lots of prayers to get through each day with them and some days are better then others that is for sure. I wish I could change the things I've done or said to them. I know if our kids get bad grades they get things taken away form them and that seems to help them know we are serious about getting good grades. Also when they get to driving age then good grades or no keys. Thanks for this blog it really helped me ponder more. I wish you best of luck and I bet you are a better Mom then you think you are. We are usually very hard on ourselves. Love you!!
Cam I love you, I never dare to say the things that you can, but I think them every day. Like to day when I spent the whole day on the computer, (after my trip to the crowded gym :) ) and left Enoch to his own devices. Yikes, wouldn't a good mom like, try to spend a little time with a cute little one? I swear it gets harder every day, shouldn't we learn something that would make tomorrow go a little smoother? I don't know, when you find out, let me know. Maybe we need a refresher course in love and logic. Would we have time for a class? Maybe,.. Maybe there is one for how to deal with the teenage years. Just a thought,
By the way, I think you are an awesome mom, and I often think "What would Cami do about this?"
I love this post and I think most every mom can identify with you on this...most of all, me! Wow! It brought tears to my eyes! I feel so underqualified for the mothering job I've been given...and yet I love it and I certainly am learning much. Much about not just motherhood, but myself. I'm learning what I'm made of.
I listened recently to a cd by Elder Gene R. Cook about how to raise your family in righteousness. I thought it would give me "the tools" to make our family perfect...well, at least much better. I finished feeling worse than ever! How can I read scriptures every day with the family, not allow any contention for even a minute, serve (bake and deliver bread etc.), work hard along side of them, spend one on one time with each child regularly, study with them, etc. That's in addition to housework, errands, after school activities, church callings, etc. I've come to believe that if the desire is there, we just need to take baby steps and that's all that is required. The Lord really will make up the difference. Don't get down on yourself, sweet Cami! You are amazing and I look up to you...and so do your kids. You are teaching them all the most important things!
That was probably lots more than you wanted. Thanks for that thoughtful post!
My sister and I were just talking today about this. Her oldest is almost 11, and the reality of parenting a teenager is looming large. We shared a lot of doubts about our own abilities to guide during these tumultuous years. How do you really instill those time-tested values of hard work, personal responsibility, a love of learning? I think we just have to take some courage in the understanding that we’re filling lamps “drop by drop,” and it’s hard to see the oil rise in a day, or a month, or a year.
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